Friday, April 11, 2014

one of my big goals within the next five years is to travel by railroad from paris to beijing over a 6ish month period. tax return is going to saving up!

Thursday, April 10, 2014
me and the bb

me and the bb

part of surviving in my body and loving my self is fluidity in presentation. i love that i can pass through styles, femme and butch and misandry queen and gothic lace princess and pinup girl and 16 year-old skatepark teen whenever the mood strikes me to be a different person, to be seen differently, to be treated differently. for a long time i thought this meant i did not have an identity, that i was faking “it” (what, existing?), but i realize now it means that i am a kaleidoscope of beauty, that i am full of skins and perceptions, and this is a good thing - i am varied and versatile, i am full of many different ways to Be and none of them are wrong.

Anonymous asked: (Part 1) Hi! I'm seriously thinking about living in another country for at least a year. I've actually been thinking about this for a long time, and saving money. I most likely won't be able to find work within my field when I'm living their, and that scares me. Sometimes I feel like if I'm not working towards something (school, a career, etc) that whatever I'm isn't worth the effort and may even be a set back. Like Its selfish of me to want to try something new.

(Part 2) but I feel like this is important thing for me to do. If I work hard to raise money and live within my means, then I shouldn’t feel bad. Right? Do you have an experience with feeling like this? Any advice would be appreciated. (FYI I’d be 24-25 years old when I moved and I’m from the US and hoping to live in England)
—-
Hi anon! I do have experience feeling this way. I quit a (on paper) great job with great pay and great hours in a city where all of my best friends lived to travel the world. I spent almost 12 months traveling, wandering, taking flights, lying on beaches, drinking 30 cent beers, meeting English teachers returning from 2 years in China, taking pictures, sweating my way through Asia with no vaccines and no plans.
I also spent those 12 months fighting the extreme guilt and fear that I was doing something wrong. If I wasn’t in school or making money or improving my resume, what the fuck was I doing? Was I wasting my time or the money I had saved up for this? Was I squandering the little talent and potential I have? Was I distancing myself from my dreams? Was I being a complete idiot?
Here’s what I have to say about it now, in retrospect: every experience you ever have, every chance you take, that’s outside of your comfort zone, will help you reach calm. I found that traveling turned me into a much mellower person. When problems - seemingly crisis-level problems - arise, I maintain an even head. I am much more intentional with my time. I understand the world and my privilege in a more nuanced way. I had a fucking great time. I saw so much beauty and I experienced a lot of myself, face-to-face, in a way I never had before.
I say: do it. If you have the means to do something radical and something you dream of, go ahead. Many of us don’t have that kind of opportunity. Don’t live with burning, itching wishes - they will eat away at your innards and they will stop you from being present in the life you have, no matter how wonderful you think it should be.
"The path" you’ve set up for yourself (the same way I’ve got one in my head) may be a product of the needs and wants of others. Deconstruct that. There’s this quote going around right now about how the fastest way to fuck up your 20s is to assume you’re doing something wrong. I’ve done SO many "wrong" things - quitting multiple jobs in a row, moving across the country without a job or any leads, living in a van with somebody I’ve known for less than a year - and it’s lead me to a really beautiful, exciting place that I never could have dreamed up.

i’ve noticed recently that when straight boys read me as a lesbian, i get completely different treatment from them. i am suddenly privy to their relationship problems - they ask me advice about women, they wonder if it’s too soon to move in or too early to make a move, they assume that i have some mythical powers or answers. i am no longer a potential mate, so they tell me honestly about their relationship feelings.

and, on the other hand, because i’m discounted as a mate so they make jokes at my expense, about my sexuality, about other women, derogatory comments about weight and looks and intelligence and give me that wink/nudge like, haha, you’re in on this joke too, right? women are stupid and shallow, right? because i can’t fuck you, i’m not going to ever consider your feelings about your gender, right?

and then there’s the other strange happening, when straight boys think that being a lesbian is just a challenge - that a female partner is something to be conquered or bested, that their dick can woo me from my preferences. 

suuuuper weird.

jetbag:

me: im going to fucking stab you

straight white boy: haha then what? ;) 

isn’t it super weird how straight boys call all of their male friends “buddy.”

"yeah this is my good buddy alex, we’ve know each other since high school"

homie, just admit he’s your friend, i promise i won’t mistake you for a homosexual. 

Sexism is when people laugh at rape jokes and cringe at female anatomy. (via wearethefourthwave)
Wednesday, April 9, 2014

I’M A BOLD MOTHERFUCKER TODAY

bikesbrainsbetterliving:

COME AT ME, WORLD, COME AT ME

Theatre taught me: make bold choices. Choose strong actions. Sometimes they’re right, and sometimes they’re wrong, but at least something happens.

Fire in my eyes today, dragonlady. 

this woman is such a killer, i love her, you need to follow her.

i had this radical realization today that maybe my partner really loves me - like, for real, loves me in a way that will involve sacrifice and diligence and dedication, and maybe it’s finally time for my heart to stop broiling in the anxiety that she will leave me.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014
literally me

literally me

(Source: vayarevoltillo)

tasnimsmentalroadtrip:

All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary
All of this is temporary

ghost bby

Sunday, April 6, 2014
spring [] [] [] || #seattle #spring #caphill

spring [] [] [] || #seattle #spring #caphill

Saturday, April 5, 2014

my apartment / sometimes sunshine / seattle / 2014